I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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