Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
