Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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