she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
