how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
