She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
He felt like a one man threesome
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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