I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
