Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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