I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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