I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
