ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Watching her eat just hurts me
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
