Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
