Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
