my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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