I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
