Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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