Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
