After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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