Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
