oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
