quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
