i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
He called his prostate his "boner button".
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize