My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
