Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Randomize
