so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
are you so shy because you have an std?
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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