god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I forget how to act sober
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
