is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
