you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
