I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
The best revenge is premature balding
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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