Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
