I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Randomize
