Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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