You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I know her cup size but not her name....
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
