Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Small penises have feelings too.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
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