she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
