I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
