I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
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