Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I stole a fireplace last night.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
