i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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