somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
