Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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