Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
