That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
