hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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