I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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