just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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