You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
