I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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