i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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