Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
